July

It has been quite some time dear friends… I hope everyone’s summer has been filled with love, light and laughter. Crazy to think we are almost into August already and over half of 2014 has passed. When I sit back and reflect every once and awhile it is crazy to see how fast time really does fly by, especially when we aren’t looking. My summer has up and walked out awhile ago with my crazy school schedule! I finished my last summer class on Friday, yesterday, and get a nice little 3 week break before the 19 hours I have coming next semester. Graduation is less than a year away and I am kicking my butt into gear! I must say I am really beginning to like school. Took 9 hours this summer, 3 classes, and got 2 A’s and a B+. The satisfaction that comes from me doing good in school just fills my heart with happiness and shouts to the world I AM GOOD ENOUGH! Took me quite some time to get to the point I am right now, focusing on myself, loving myself, healing and simply just being but I tell you investing in one’s self is the best damn decision I ever made!

Speaking of that, I have noticed lately some of the people in my life lacking that self love. How do I notice? Because when one does not love thyself this can lead to a number of “issues” such as; self pity, pointing fingers/blaming, being the victim, unhealthy relationships (a mirror image of the one we have with ourselves), multiple crises, reflection on one’s way of life/lifestyle, desire to be sick, a need for attention, actually enjoying the instability that comes with creating drama, nothing ever being good enough (solely because one feels not good enough from within), a need for other people to fill the holes/voids we pick up along the way and so forth. It is safe to say I see this on a daily basis. Do you know anyone or do you yourself have any of these “issues” in your daily life and are you ready to do something about it?! I made the commitment to work on a couple of these “issues” over 3 years ago, 3 years later I am still continuing to heal and love myself. No one told me it would be easy, in fact I did not know anyone who had ever made the commitment to actually do such a thing. “You are telling me we actually have to love ourselves and other people can’t just do it for us?!” Well I lived a short 19 years, compared to others who have lived their lifetimes, trying and figuring that out until 1 day I decided I deserved better. It has been a bumpy past few years as I am sure many of you could attest to but guess what, I AM HAPPY! That is what healing, letting go and loving one’s self can do for each and every one of us, at the end of the day you just have to want it bad enough.

When I talk to my friends about self love I never realized how much fear there is about the topic. “You mean sitting with yourself and simply being makes you happy!?” My response; “Well a sure hell of a lot happier than the reason (“issues” related that the person may have) you are sitting here asking for advice.” (I mean that in the nicest way possible, I always believed in giving it straight) Truth be told change is scary to most people, as humans we like what is comfortable and safe, “anything else just creates havoc and I like to keep peace.” Thinking and doing in such a way is just hurting us in the long run. Change is a way of accepting and letting go because most likely what is to come is better than what was anyways. Fear is a constant thing, we face fear multiple times a day, it is what you do with the fear that can shape your life. I understand that most days it may seem easier to be consumed by fear because we have been taught through society to fear most things in life and after awhile the fear becomes comfortable and more so after that fear is then all we know. “Fight your fears and you will be in battle forever, face your fears and you will be free forever.”

Another rather large reason in day to day life that people resist the ultimate satisfaction of loving one’s self is the mere fact that they just do not want it bad enough. To some people loathing waking up in the morning to then go to a mediocre job, making sure the kids and husband/wife are taken care of but yet each night going to sleep with your glass half empty is acceptable because hey at least there is not much havoc right?! WRONG! At the end of each mediocre day I still find people bitching about it not being good enough. And you are right, it is not good enough but the change is not to come from your spouse, or from your kids behaving or the “perfect” job. The change is going to come from YOU making a decision that “DAMN IT, I deserve better” and the truth is, HELL YES YOU DO! But what you are missing from the picture here is the better comes from within and ultimately everything else falls into place as well. “Be the change you wish to see in the world” because I guarantee you, no one else is going to do it for you.

May you find that love from within
Kels