The Truth Behind Fear

Went back to Wichita to visit this past weekend. Hardest part is always leaving. It’s hard to be strong and be the one to willingly leave because where you once called home is no longer your home anymore. Home is a new place, in a new state, with new people, gaining new experiences, and a new job in the midst. It’s overwhelming. Growing up I felt so uncomfortable as a little human. It’s such a scary experience, to be brought into this world from such a pure source to then have to ‘figure things out’. Sometimes I feel like we were embedded with fear from the beginning. Because at such a young age, everything is fearful. Hell, I am 27 years old and can barely handle the bit of new that gets thrown my way as it is, I can’t even imagine being back at the ripe age of 5 again.

I’ve been battling fear for awhile now, giving myself away piece by piece. We consistently doubt our strength and power, leaving us filled to the brim with fear and excuses. I’m afraid of feelings in a world full of an abundance of energy. I’m afraid of losing those near and dear to me so much so that sometimes I push them away because it’s ‘easier’. I’m afraid to give 100% because being vulnerable puts me at risk. I’m afraid to love with arms wide open in fear of getting hurt or worse, being abandoned. I’m afraid of not being good enough, so I alter who I am in an effort to be liked. I am afraid of not being accepted for who I am, better yet I let society tell me who I should be. I am afraid of that which I do not know. We are all afraid of something, or many things. It’s time as a collective to stop giving ourselves over to fear. Fear is good for 2 things and 2 things only.

Today, I choose to rise. One of my favorite quotes says, “I don’t sugar coat shit, I’m not Willy Wonka.” If you choose the latter way as mentioned above to process fear, it may not be as easy as the first choice. You’ll probably end up going back and forth between the two to get your bearings but I will tell you, if you face the fear, you will always rise. And if you run…
Blessed be,

The Journey

Well it’s official, I am a Denver transplant! Made the trek across state lines 2 months ago and thrilled I did so. Scary, yes. Daring, most certainly. Crazy, you could say so. I reached the point of no turning back, I knew life had bigger things planned for me. Quite frequently I get asked what brought me out here, I still have yet to come up with a good answer. How can you explain actions that are driven by your soul? I guess more than anything, I don’t have the answers. I just needed more. You get to the point in situations, relationships and even towns when you just know it’s time to move on. I cannot tell you how scary that is. To not know where life is taking you but to just surrender to the journey. Is that what this is? A surrender experiment? Sometimes people make it look so easy. Even I don’t have it all figured out so don’t read between the lines here.

So what now? When I figure it out, I’ll be sure to share the secret. The secret to living life, not letting life live you. For now, take a chance. Don’t let fear be the excuse for holding you back from living the life you’ve dreamed of. Let the fear be what pushes you. The push you need get back up when you fall down. The push you need to look fear in the eyes and say ‘this is not how my story ends.’ So push through, trudge on. No matter how hard it gets, get back up. Life isn’t about giving up and giving in. Life is about giving it your all. So move away from home, go on a date no matter how much it frightens you, let people in even if being vulnerable is scary, don’t monopolize your dreams based on societal standards and surely don’t let the past be what keeps you from the future.

There will be times on the journey when you will face rejection and denial. I have been turned down from countless jobs, not everyone is accepting of my very out there personality and just when I think I have it all figured out, I get thrown for another loop. Don’t let that be a reason to stray. Stay strong and confident in your pursuit and one day, the pieces will all make sense. Until then, surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you, trust in the journey and give it your all. Take back your power, let go of the need for control and give yourself permission to feel love and happiness, even peace.

So make today count, make every day count. The journey has just begun.




It’s Not You, It’s Me

It’s not you, it’s me. Change is tough. I find myself going through many emotions as I delve further into adulthood in an effort to ‘find’ myself. With that, comes change. In some ways, one begins to become discontent with the way things are going. I’ve finally grown tired of doing things the way they’ve always been done. I’m tired of giving into the fear and remaining stuck in places that no longer do anything for my highest good. You begin to outgrow friendships, contemplate your life purpose, become less engaged with your work life and wonder if what you’re doing is really all there is to life. It can be if that’s all you want for, maybe that’s your Personal Legend. If so, good for you! However, I have a feeling the majority of us struggle with these feelings and emotions, continuously wondering why the discontent will pop up when technically, you have all you need. I mean what more could you want? That’s not what it’s about though.

The Alchemist describes a person’s Personal Legend as one’s destiny in life. Paulo Coelho takes Santiago on a journey that transforms into pursuing his Personal Legend in an effort to understand the Soul of the World. When you align your life with your soul’s mission, the Universe conspires in your favor. Sure it isn’t easy. Santiago experienced set backs, confusion and at times, a desire to give up. That’s when fate would intervene. Fate would show up in the way of signs and omens that were given through people, circumstances, animals, Mother Nature, and more, as a reminder of the blessing that one’s Personal Legend truly is and a gentle nudge to continue on the path. I’ve been on this ‘path’ for 6 years and who knows, maybe even my whole life. People have come and gone in my life, experiences and lessons pop up whenever the h*ll they want, I’ve delved into my past and my childhood to deal with memories and feelings I blocked a long time ago, it’s still hard to let go of what has always been, fear is a nagging voice that sure likes to find the negative and then some in every situation, being comfortable is nice for awhile but not sustaining and making excuses gets old and frankly exhausting.

Sometimes I find myself holding back, hindering my own greatness. It’s not places, people or things that are holding me back, this is about me. That’s why when I say, ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ I mean it. Don’t take it personal if I move on with life and if you do, that’s on you. I’m not responsible for what is understood or how you handle what I do with my life. Heck, half the time I find it difficult to even understand and let alone handle my own life! I say this because I know this path is hard. Most of the time it’s scary, sometimes even lonely, especially at my age. “Feel the fear and do it anyways,” thanks for the advice mom! Sure it’s hard to move on from friendships that no longer serve a purpose in your life, it’s difficult to stand out in a society that suggests we all ‘fit in’, I spend a lot of my time still confused with what it is I’m doing or supposed to be doing, feelings and emotions are very foreign to me, sometimes I don’t handle things in the best way possible and relationships scare the crap out of me. But with the struggles, I can’t even begin to explain to you the greatness. To feel guided by a purpose, by a mission to make a difference no matter how big or how small. Being called upon to live out something bigger. To maybe not ‘know’ your Personal Legend but to trust in it with everything you are. That’s what dreaming is all about ❤



Light & Love


The Struggle

I’m going to state the obvious, growing up is hard. Having grown up in the Midwest we tend to get accustomed to the comforts that life has to offer. Maybe it’s not just the Midwest, maybe it’s just a human thing. Here’s how it goes; Grow up in a decent family, mom and dad try hard to get along (or maybe not so hard) because I mean, what else do you do? Graduate high school and get into a decent college not too far from home. Forgot to mention, working a part-time/full-time job while trying to maintain good grades isn’t as easy as it seems. During college you meet a guy/girl and low and behold he/she is the one, so now that that’s settled this can go one of two ways; baby before or after marriage, doesn’t make a difference these days. You get a steady and good paying job. Yes, both men and women have a work life and guess what, this is normal. You ‘grow up’ and sure as h*ll, grow old. I mean the rest is history right? I think I speak for humankind when I say this, I call bullsh*t.

When did life become a norm? When did we as a collective stop shooting beyond the stars and chasing the dreams that scare the be-jesus out of us? Why is it such a struggle sometimes to not know what in the h*ll we are doing and actually be okay with that?? The only standards and expectations that are of this life, we have put there as a whole. My greatest wish, to you and beyond, is that you live a life you’re proud of (thank you Rascal Flatts, I wish it too).

Regardless of age, or maturity for some of us, life isn’t just about what happens to us, life is about how we respond to it all. Do we give up and give in? Do we throw in the towel and live a life someone else would have wanted? Do we make excuses and play victim? I’ve spent a lot of life doing the latter, afraid of the unknown, afraid of the possibilities, afraid of my potential. It’s always easier to stay with what we know, or at least so we thought. So why do I feel nothing? Why do I want for more? Why do I look for the little bit of passion and then go off to extremes in an effort to savor it? Why do I feel like the life I’m living, isn’t the life for me anymore? Sometimes I can’t tell the difference between these feelings and if this is another ‘escape’ method or if this is my higher calling coming to the rescue. I tell you what, all I know is that it’s time for us to step up and step out. What’s holding you back from living a life you dreamed of? What is stopping you from surrendering to letting life live you and instead, actually living life? We can get so caught up in the moment of ‘this is how life is supposed to be’ or ‘man, this is how I wish life was’. It’s time to take a stand. Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? And when you look back in 20, 30, 40, 50 years, what do you want to see? When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say ‘I used everything you gave me’ – Erma Bombeck. So what does your story look like?


Light & Love, always



The Secret of Love

What does love mean to you? Is it just another word? Something maybe you can’t describe? Does it mean much of anything? Maybe you’re not sure what it means because you’ve been searching for it forever?

Love is a state of being, the journey of life; rather than a place, some thing or some one. What has your journey been like? Have you been putting all of your love cards into some ‘thing’ in hopes that it will fill the need for love, only to figure out it doesn’t quite work? Whether it’s a relationship that was never quite fulfilling, a job you thought would make your parents proud, money you hoped would solve all problems, friendships you give your all to with little in return, those methods you use to escape difficulties or every day life, and so on. Been there, done that. Let me tell you, tried and true, it doesn’t work!

I get societies’ need to put expectations on love, especially when so many of us don’t even know the true meaning. It’s no secret though, WE are the meaning of love! How easy is that? Once we can get past the bah-humbug’ness’ in blaming our situations for the lack of love we have or feel in every day life, we realize love is really all around us as long as we have love within us. The power we give to people, places or things to fill the need for love, is what continues the cycle. All along, it’s always been about the love within us. As KARMA once said (or maybe it was Justin Timberlake), what comes around goes around. This is true on all aspects! You want love, it starts with YOU! You are what the world needs right now, we are what the world needs right now (thanking Tim Lytle for that weekly Unity inspiration). Always remember, love is the journey and a state of being, not a destination (some thing, some one, or some place). Love is how we get from Point A to be Point B, what drives us to be the change we wish to see in the world. Maybe not much is driving you right now, maybe life is driving you crazy. I’m not saying the path of love is free from crazy. You can always be crazy in love, crazy peaceful, crazy happy or just crazy OK and still enjoy the journey.

My counselor has always said realization and acknowledgement are where all big shifts and changes begin. To sit with this and ponder on the true meaning of love can change the way you view life, forever.


Love you always,