The Journey

Well it’s official, I am a Denver transplant! Made the trek across state lines 2 months ago and thrilled I did so. Scary, yes. Daring, most certainly. Crazy, you could say so. I reached the point of no turning back, I knew life had bigger things planned for me. Quite frequently I get asked what brought me out here, I still have yet to come up with a good answer. How can you explain actions that are driven by your soul? I guess more than anything, I don’t have the answers. I just needed more. You get to the point in situations, relationships and even towns when you just know it’s time to move on. I cannot tell you how scary that is. To not know where life is taking you but to just surrender to the journey. Is that what this is? A surrender experiment? Sometimes people make it look so easy. Even I don’t have it all figured out so don’t read between the lines here.

So what now? When I figure it out, I’ll be sure to share the secret. The secret to living life, not letting life live you. For now, take a chance. Don’t let fear be the excuse for holding you back from living the life you’ve dreamed of. Let the fear be what pushes you. The push you need get back up when you fall down. The push you need to look fear in the eyes and say ‘this is not how my story ends.’ So push through, trudge on. No matter how hard it gets, get back up. Life isn’t about giving up and giving in. Life is about giving it your all. So move away from home, go on a date no matter how much it frightens you, let people in even if being vulnerable is scary, don’t monopolize your dreams based on societal standards and surely don’t let the past be what keeps you from the future.

There will be times on the journey when you will face rejection and denial. I have been turned down from countless jobs, not everyone is accepting of my very out there personality and just when I think I have it all figured out, I get thrown for another loop. Don’t let that be a reason to stray. Stay strong and confident in your pursuit and one day, the pieces will all make sense. Until then, surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you, trust in the journey and give it your all. Take back your power, let go of the need for control and give yourself permission to feel love and happiness, even peace.

So make today count, make every day count. The journey has just begun.

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Best,

Kels

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It’s Not You, It’s Me

It’s not you, it’s me. Change is tough. I find myself going through many emotions as I delve further into adulthood in an effort to ‘find’ myself. With that, comes change. In some ways, one begins to become discontent with the way things are going. I’ve finally grown tired of doing things the way they’ve always been done. I’m tired of giving into the fear and remaining stuck in places that no longer do anything for my highest good. You begin to outgrow friendships, contemplate your life purpose, become less engaged with your work life and wonder if what you’re doing is really all there is to life. It can be if that’s all you want for, maybe that’s your Personal Legend. If so, good for you! However, I have a feeling the majority of us struggle with these feelings and emotions, continuously wondering why the discontent will pop up when technically, you have all you need. I mean what more could you want? That’s not what it’s about though.

The Alchemist describes a person’s Personal Legend as one’s destiny in life. Paulo Coelho takes Santiago on a journey that transforms into pursuing his Personal Legend in an effort to understand the Soul of the World. When you align your life with your soul’s mission, the Universe conspires in your favor. Sure it isn’t easy. Santiago experienced set backs, confusion and at times, a desire to give up. That’s when fate would intervene. Fate would show up in the way of signs and omens that were given through people, circumstances, animals, Mother Nature, and more, as a reminder of the blessing that one’s Personal Legend truly is and a gentle nudge to continue on the path. I’ve been on this ‘path’ for 6 years and who knows, maybe even my whole life. People have come and gone in my life, experiences and lessons pop up whenever the h*ll they want, I’ve delved into my past and my childhood to deal with memories and feelings I blocked a long time ago, it’s still hard to let go of what has always been, fear is a nagging voice that sure likes to find the negative and then some in every situation, being comfortable is nice for awhile but not sustaining and making excuses gets old and frankly exhausting.

Sometimes I find myself holding back, hindering my own greatness. It’s not places, people or things that are holding me back, this is about me. That’s why when I say, ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ I mean it. Don’t take it personal if I move on with life and if you do, that’s on you. I’m not responsible for what is understood or how you handle what I do with my life. Heck, half the time I find it difficult to even understand and let alone handle my own life! I say this because I know this path is hard. Most of the time it’s scary, sometimes even lonely, especially at my age. “Feel the fear and do it anyways,” thanks for the advice mom! Sure it’s hard to move on from friendships that no longer serve a purpose in your life, it’s difficult to stand out in a society that suggests we all ‘fit in’, I spend a lot of my time still confused with what it is I’m doing or supposed to be doing, feelings and emotions are very foreign to me, sometimes I don’t handle things in the best way possible and relationships scare the crap out of me. But with the struggles, I can’t even begin to explain to you the greatness. To feel guided by a purpose, by a mission to make a difference no matter how big or how small. Being called upon to live out something bigger. To maybe not ‘know’ your Personal Legend but to trust in it with everything you are. That’s what dreaming is all about ❤

 

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Light & Love

Kels

The Struggle

I’m going to state the obvious, growing up is hard. Having grown up in the Midwest we tend to get accustomed to the comforts that life has to offer. Maybe it’s not just the Midwest, maybe it’s just a human thing. Here’s how it goes; Grow up in a decent family, mom and dad try hard to get along (or maybe not so hard) because I mean, what else do you do? Graduate high school and get into a decent college not too far from home. Forgot to mention, working a part-time/full-time job while trying to maintain good grades isn’t as easy as it seems. During college you meet a guy/girl and low and behold he/she is the one, so now that that’s settled this can go one of two ways; baby before or after marriage, doesn’t make a difference these days. You get a steady and good paying job. Yes, both men and women have a work life and guess what, this is normal. You ‘grow up’ and sure as h*ll, grow old. I mean the rest is history right? I think I speak for humankind when I say this, I call bullsh*t.

When did life become a norm? When did we as a collective stop shooting beyond the stars and chasing the dreams that scare the be-jesus out of us? Why is it such a struggle sometimes to not know what in the h*ll we are doing and actually be okay with that?? The only standards and expectations that are of this life, we have put there as a whole. My greatest wish, to you and beyond, is that you live a life you’re proud of (thank you Rascal Flatts, I wish it too).

Regardless of age, or maturity for some of us, life isn’t just about what happens to us, life is about how we respond to it all. Do we give up and give in? Do we throw in the towel and live a life someone else would have wanted? Do we make excuses and play victim? I’ve spent a lot of life doing the latter, afraid of the unknown, afraid of the possibilities, afraid of my potential. It’s always easier to stay with what we know, or at least so we thought. So why do I feel nothing? Why do I want for more? Why do I look for the little bit of passion and then go off to extremes in an effort to savor it? Why do I feel like the life I’m living, isn’t the life for me anymore? Sometimes I can’t tell the difference between these feelings and if this is another ‘escape’ method or if this is my higher calling coming to the rescue. I tell you what, all I know is that it’s time for us to step up and step out. What’s holding you back from living a life you dreamed of? What is stopping you from surrendering to letting life live you and instead, actually living life? We can get so caught up in the moment of ‘this is how life is supposed to be’ or ‘man, this is how I wish life was’. It’s time to take a stand. Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? And when you look back in 20, 30, 40, 50 years, what do you want to see? When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say ‘I used everything you gave me’ – Erma Bombeck. So what does your story look like?

 

Light & Love, always

Kels

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The Secret of Love

What does love mean to you? Is it just another word? Something maybe you can’t describe? Does it mean much of anything? Maybe you’re not sure what it means because you’ve been searching for it forever?

Love is a state of being, the journey of life; rather than a place, some thing or some one. What has your journey been like? Have you been putting all of your love cards into some ‘thing’ in hopes that it will fill the need for love, only to figure out it doesn’t quite work? Whether it’s a relationship that was never quite fulfilling, a job you thought would make your parents proud, money you hoped would solve all problems, friendships you give your all to with little in return, those methods you use to escape difficulties or every day life, and so on. Been there, done that. Let me tell you, tried and true, it doesn’t work!

I get societies’ need to put expectations on love, especially when so many of us don’t even know the true meaning. It’s no secret though, WE are the meaning of love! How easy is that? Once we can get past the bah-humbug’ness’ in blaming our situations for the lack of love we have or feel in every day life, we realize love is really all around us as long as we have love within us. The power we give to people, places or things to fill the need for love, is what continues the cycle. All along, it’s always been about the love within us. As KARMA once said (or maybe it was Justin Timberlake), what comes around goes around. This is true on all aspects! You want love, it starts with YOU! You are what the world needs right now, we are what the world needs right now (thanking Tim Lytle for that weekly Unity inspiration). Always remember, love is the journey and a state of being, not a destination (some thing, some one, or some place). Love is how we get from Point A to be Point B, what drives us to be the change we wish to see in the world. Maybe not much is driving you right now, maybe life is driving you crazy. I’m not saying the path of love is free from crazy. You can always be crazy in love, crazy peaceful, crazy happy or just crazy OK and still enjoy the journey.

My counselor has always said realization and acknowledgement are where all big shifts and changes begin. To sit with this and ponder on the true meaning of love can change the way you view life, forever.

 

Love you always,

Kels

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The Book of Life

As humans we go through life in a multitude of experiences that become memories and ultimately, add to our stories of life. We go through chapters, books, series and maybe repeat back through a book or two to edit and so forth. We let these stories define us, forgetting the real divinity within. The stories serve as lessons, experiences, opportunities, growth, development, expansion and yet we tend to get caught up in the lesson or in the experience. Sometimes we’re even afraid of the growth, afraid of the change; It’s uncomfortable, I’ve never done it before, well what if this happens, I don’t deserve that, you get the picture. I’m a mere 25 years young and would like to point out the elephant in the room, this shit is hard!

For the past year or so I’ve been battling with PTSD. With all of the healing, changes and growth going on in life right now, I was finding it easy to fall down the slippery slope of anxiety and depression. If you’ve ever battled with either of these yourself or been close to someone who has, you can understand the spiral of illusions that accompany anxiety or depression and the quick sand feeling of never being able to escape. I remember here probably not even too long ago when I would think to myself, “Why hasn’t anyone written a book about what it’s like to go through these healing journeys?” Well, I’ve finally found the answer, it’s the book of life. I realize now that no one could have told me what to do to get better, I had to figure that out for myself. Along with the help of others, friends and family who have supported me through it all. But here’s the thing, these books suggest; just meditate, do some yoga, walk it off, but all in all, the closest I’ve ever been to truly seeing, feeling and living life for what it is worth has been by realizing everyone’s story is different. What works for me may not work for you. That’s the whole point!

Along my healing journey I have tried numerous things, because that’s what she did or that’s what that book said. Some of them worked but others didn’t. Heck, months later I still find it hard to meditate 3-4 times a week in complete silence for a mere 15 minutes each time. Yoga doesn’t really appeal to me. And I can’t go on walks right now because bugs like the way I taste too much. So what do I do? I use essential oils to help aid in healing, when I find it hard to find the words to describe what/how I’m feeling I begin writing and in that I find bits and pieces of myself, I surround myself with people who bring out the best in me, I find little ways to have passion each day in what I do, I take baths to relax and cleanse my energy, I use crystals to help protect me and the space I live in, I read romantic books, I drive around and let the rhythm of music flow through me. The point is, you too can find what works for you. I’m not saying I have all the answers because I sure don’t. I eat too much sugar, I fear change and the unknown, I don’t exercise regularly like I should, sometimes I give up too easily, other times I obsess too much. I believe it may very well take me my whole life to continue on this healing journey of bettering myself. But the fact of the matter is, you can do it too! You don’t have to sit around waiting for the answers or be frozen from the fear. Remember to always be the change you want to see in the world because all in all, it starts with YOU!

 

Blessings

Kels

tomorrow