Went back to Wichita to visit this past weekend. Hardest part is always leaving. It’s hard to be strong and be the one to willingly leave because where you once called home is no longer your home anymore. Home is a new place, in a new state, with new people, gaining new experiences, and a new job in the midst. It’s overwhelming. Growing up I felt so uncomfortable as a little human. It’s such a scary experience, to be brought into this world from such a pure source to then have to ‘figure things out’. Sometimes I feel like we were embedded with fear from the beginning. Because at such a young age, everything is fearful. Hell, I am 27 years old and can barely handle the bit of new that gets thrown my way as it is, I can’t even imagine being back at the ripe age of 5 again.
I’ve been battling fear for awhile now, giving myself away piece by piece. We consistently doubt our strength and power, leaving us filled to the brim with fear and excuses. I’m afraid of feelings in a world full of an abundance of energy. I’m afraid of losing those near and dear to me so much so that sometimes I push them away because it’s ‘easier’. I’m afraid to give 100% because being vulnerable puts me at risk. I’m afraid to love with arms wide open in fear of getting hurt or worse, being abandoned. I’m afraid of not being good enough, so I alter who I am in an effort to be liked. I am afraid of not being accepted for who I am, better yet I let society tell me who I should be. I am afraid of that which I do not know. We are all afraid of something, or many things. It’s time as a collective to stop giving ourselves over to fear. Fear is good for 2 things and 2 things only.