It’s Not You, It’s Me

It’s not you, it’s me. Change is tough. I find myself going through many emotions as I delve further into adulthood in an effort to ‘find’ myself. With that, comes change. In some ways, one begins to become discontent with the way things are going. I’ve finally grown tired of doing things the way they’ve always been done. I’m tired of giving into the fear and remaining stuck in places that no longer do anything for my highest good. You begin to outgrow friendships, contemplate your life purpose, become less engaged with your work life and wonder if what you’re doing is really all there is to life. It can be if that’s all you want for, maybe that’s your Personal Legend. If so, good for you! However, I have a feeling the majority of us struggle with these feelings and emotions, continuously wondering why the discontent will pop up when technically, you have all you need. I mean what more could you want? That’s not what it’s about though.

The Alchemist describes a person’s Personal Legend as one’s destiny in life. Paulo Coelho takes Santiago on a journey that transforms into pursuing his Personal Legend in an effort to understand the Soul of the World. When you align your life with your soul’s mission, the Universe conspires in your favor. Sure it isn’t easy. Santiago experienced set backs, confusion and at times, a desire to give up. That’s when fate would intervene. Fate would show up in the way of signs and omens that were given through people, circumstances, animals, Mother Nature, and more, as a reminder of the blessing that one’s Personal Legend truly is and a gentle nudge to continue on the path. I’ve been on this ‘path’ for 6 years and who knows, maybe even my whole life. People have come and gone in my life, experiences and lessons pop up whenever the h*ll they want, I’ve delved into my past and my childhood to deal with memories and feelings I blocked a long time ago, it’s still hard to let go of what has always been, fear is a nagging voice that sure likes to find the negative and then some in every situation, being comfortable is nice for awhile but not sustaining and making excuses gets old and frankly exhausting.

Sometimes I find myself holding back, hindering my own greatness. It’s not places, people or things that are holding me back, this is about me. That’s why when I say, ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ I mean it. Don’t take it personal if I move on with life and if you do, that’s on you. I’m not responsible for what is understood or how you handle what I do with my life. Heck, half the time I find it difficult to even understand and let alone handle my own life! I say this because I know this path is hard. Most of the time it’s scary, sometimes even lonely, especially at my age. “Feel the fear and do it anyways,” thanks for the advice mom! Sure it’s hard to move on from friendships that no longer serve a purpose in your life, it’s difficult to stand out in a society that suggests we all ‘fit in’, I spend a lot of my time still confused with what it is I’m doing or supposed to be doing, feelings and emotions are very foreign to me, sometimes I don’t handle things in the best way possible and relationships scare the crap out of me. But with the struggles, I can’t even begin to explain to you the greatness. To feel guided by a purpose, by a mission to make a difference no matter how big or how small. Being called upon to live out something bigger. To maybe not ‘know’ your Personal Legend but to trust in it with everything you are. That’s what dreaming is all about ❤

 

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Light & Love

Kels

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