The Journey

Well it’s official, I am a Denver transplant! Made the trek across state lines 2 months ago and thrilled I did so. Scary, yes. Daring, most certainly. Crazy, you could say so. I reached the point of no turning back, I knew life had bigger things planned for me. Quite frequently I get asked what brought me out here, I still have yet to come up with a good answer. How can you explain actions that are driven by your soul? I guess more than anything, I don’t have the answers. I just needed more. You get to the point in situations, relationships and even towns when you just know it’s time to move on. I cannot tell you how scary that is. To not know where life is taking you but to just surrender to the journey. Is that what this is? A surrender experiment? Sometimes people make it look so easy. Even I don’t have it all figured out so don’t read between the lines here.

So what now? When I figure it out, I’ll be sure to share the secret. The secret to living life, not letting life live you. For now, take a chance. Don’t let fear be the excuse for holding you back from living the life you’ve dreamed of. Let the fear be what pushes you. The push you need get back up when you fall down. The push you need to look fear in the eyes and say ‘this is not how my story ends.’ So push through, trudge on. No matter how hard it gets, get back up. Life isn’t about giving up and giving in. Life is about giving it your all. So move away from home, go on a date no matter how much it frightens you, let people in even if being vulnerable is scary, don’t monopolize your dreams based on societal standards and surely don’t let the past be what keeps you from the future.

There will be times on the journey when you will face rejection and denial. I have been turned down from countless jobs, not everyone is accepting of my very out there personality and just when I think I have it all figured out, I get thrown for another loop. Don’t let that be a reason to stray. Stay strong and confident in your pursuit and one day, the pieces will all make sense. Until then, surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you, trust in the journey and give it your all. Take back your power, let go of the need for control and give yourself permission to feel love and happiness, even peace.

So make today count, make every day count. The journey has just begun.

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Best,

Kels

Wednesday Inspiration

Feeling inspired today so I felt led to write it all down. Each post I write comes from the heart, sometimes I literally feel like my fingers are guided on what to type next and to me this is the best gift of writing. That is why even if my posts are few and far in between, there is so much depth in each one. So here I am, I give my heart to you and I hope you can feel the light, love and inspiration to which I write.

Mom and I had an interesting conversation last night to say the least. Being the loving and caring mother she is she was naturally inclined to state her worries about me not being open and being so shut off with my “walls”. This is particularly designated towards relationships. I took it with a grain of salt and went about my way. Just so happens last night I had a very interesting dream. I was being cut/scratched lightly all over my body. Having an interest in dream interpretation mom and I did some research. The skin is a representation of the “cloak” of a human being which in turn protects the person from harm. Well, well well little did I know how significant this dream could be. My interpretation of being cut in the dream was the subconcious trying to get past the barrier or otherwise known as my “walls.”

I built my walls a long time ago out of fear in order to protect myself from feeling pain and sadness. Fear drove me to putting on a “cape” in order to dismiss my sensitivities in an effort to be normal. I struggled all the way through school until about the age of 20 (when I started counseling) college included, with confusion of being different but yet wanting to fit in. I’ve heard many people say “I would go back to being a kid any day, I didn’t have a worry in the world” and I’ve always thought WHY THE HECK… I remember at the age of 5/6 being on the playground, caring so much about fitting in and being accepted. Here I was a little girl just wanting to be loved. Every time I think about that age it brings tears to my eyes. Even at such a young age life is confusing. I don’t blame conformity on society because society only got there with the help of each and every one of us.

So after years living with the fear of pain and sadness it has resulted in successfully pushing many people away from me and if that was you, I’m sorry. I know I’m not the only one out there who has walls or “capes” that keep people out. Often we believe that being numb and pushing away the feelings are actually doing us some good but in the long run only does more damage. There are a number of different ways people numb themselves. Some could be a form of alcoholism, addiction, working too much, overeating, sleeping around and obsession with body image are just a few of the examples. I randomly listened to a TED Talk today that discussed the relation to being numb and pushing away feelings or otherwise putting on a cape, if that’s not a sign I don’t know what is!

I have officially come to the realization, this is not how I want to live my life anymore, something has got to give! As scary as it may seem, being sensitive in a world full of opportunities to be numb and not giving in, is actually true strength! So I have decided to embrace the fear and go along for the ride. I tell you it sure wasn’t fun just standing in line in anticipation, the ride itself is much more fun! This doesn’t mean there won’t be ups and downs but like any roller coaster, being up is fun and going down is scary but most of us adventure seekers always enjoy the thrill 🙂

I am thankful for the hardships life has to offer because as long as we are learning from them, that is a life worth living! May life bring you peace and happiness in all that you do!

FEAR has two meanings

1. Forget Everything And Run

2. Face Everything And Rise

All my love,

Kels