The Struggle

I’m going to state the obvious, growing up is hard. Having grown up in the Midwest we tend to get accustomed to the comforts that life has to offer. Maybe it’s not just the Midwest, maybe it’s just a human thing. Here’s how it goes; Grow up in a decent family, mom and dad try hard to get along (or maybe not so hard) because I mean, what else do you do? Graduate high school and get into a decent college not too far from home. Forgot to mention, working a part-time/full-time job while trying to maintain good grades isn’t as easy as it seems. During college you meet a guy/girl and low and behold he/she is the one, so now that that’s settled this can go one of two ways; baby before or after marriage, doesn’t make a difference these days. You get a steady and good paying job. Yes, both men and women have a work life and guess what, this is normal. You ‘grow up’ and sure as h*ll, grow old. I mean the rest is history right? I think I speak for humankind when I say this, I call bullsh*t.

When did life become a norm? When did we as a collective stop shooting beyond the stars and chasing the dreams that scare the be-jesus out of us? Why is it such a struggle sometimes to not know what in the h*ll we are doing and actually be okay with that?? The only standards and expectations that are of this life, we have put there as a whole. My greatest wish, to you and beyond, is that you live a life you’re proud of (thank you Rascal Flatts, I wish it too).

Regardless of age, or maturity for some of us, life isn’t just about what happens to us, life is about how we respond to it all. Do we give up and give in? Do we throw in the towel and live a life someone else would have wanted? Do we make excuses and play victim? I’ve spent a lot of life doing the latter, afraid of the unknown, afraid of the possibilities, afraid of my potential. It’s always easier to stay with what we know, or at least so we thought. So why do I feel nothing? Why do I want for more? Why do I look for the little bit of passion and then go off to extremes in an effort to savor it? Why do I feel like the life I’m living, isn’t the life for me anymore? Sometimes I can’t tell the difference between these feelings and if this is another ‘escape’ method or if this is my higher calling coming to the rescue. I tell you what, all I know is that it’s time for us to step up and step out. What’s holding you back from living a life you dreamed of? What is stopping you from surrendering to letting life live you and instead, actually living life? We can get so caught up in the moment of ‘this is how life is supposed to be’ or ‘man, this is how I wish life was’. It’s time to take a stand. Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? And when you look back in 20, 30, 40, 50 years, what do you want to see? When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say ‘I used everything you gave me’ – Erma Bombeck. So what does your story look like?

 

Light & Love, always

Kels

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Wednesday Inspiration

Feeling inspired today so I felt led to write it all down. Each post I write comes from the heart, sometimes I literally feel like my fingers are guided on what to type next and to me this is the best gift of writing. That is why even if my posts are few and far in between, there is so much depth in each one. So here I am, I give my heart to you and I hope you can feel the light, love and inspiration to which I write.

Mom and I had an interesting conversation last night to say the least. Being the loving and caring mother she is she was naturally inclined to state her worries about me not being open and being so shut off with my “walls”. This is particularly designated towards relationships. I took it with a grain of salt and went about my way. Just so happens last night I had a very interesting dream. I was being cut/scratched lightly all over my body. Having an interest in dream interpretation mom and I did some research. The skin is a representation of the “cloak” of a human being which in turn protects the person from harm. Well, well well little did I know how significant this dream could be. My interpretation of being cut in the dream was the subconcious trying to get past the barrier or otherwise known as my “walls.”

I built my walls a long time ago out of fear in order to protect myself from feeling pain and sadness. Fear drove me to putting on a “cape” in order to dismiss my sensitivities in an effort to be normal. I struggled all the way through school until about the age of 20 (when I started counseling) college included, with confusion of being different but yet wanting to fit in. I’ve heard many people say “I would go back to being a kid any day, I didn’t have a worry in the world” and I’ve always thought WHY THE HECK… I remember at the age of 5/6 being on the playground, caring so much about fitting in and being accepted. Here I was a little girl just wanting to be loved. Every time I think about that age it brings tears to my eyes. Even at such a young age life is confusing. I don’t blame conformity on society because society only got there with the help of each and every one of us.

So after years living with the fear of pain and sadness it has resulted in successfully pushing many people away from me and if that was you, I’m sorry. I know I’m not the only one out there who has walls or “capes” that keep people out. Often we believe that being numb and pushing away the feelings are actually doing us some good but in the long run only does more damage. There are a number of different ways people numb themselves. Some could be a form of alcoholism, addiction, working too much, overeating, sleeping around and obsession with body image are just a few of the examples. I randomly listened to a TED Talk today that discussed the relation to being numb and pushing away feelings or otherwise putting on a cape, if that’s not a sign I don’t know what is!

I have officially come to the realization, this is not how I want to live my life anymore, something has got to give! As scary as it may seem, being sensitive in a world full of opportunities to be numb and not giving in, is actually true strength! So I have decided to embrace the fear and go along for the ride. I tell you it sure wasn’t fun just standing in line in anticipation, the ride itself is much more fun! This doesn’t mean there won’t be ups and downs but like any roller coaster, being up is fun and going down is scary but most of us adventure seekers always enjoy the thrill 🙂

I am thankful for the hardships life has to offer because as long as we are learning from them, that is a life worth living! May life bring you peace and happiness in all that you do!

FEAR has two meanings

1. Forget Everything And Run

2. Face Everything And Rise

All my love,

Kels